Thankful, that is? When this time of year rolls around, we imagine large tables loaded down with food, drink, fancy plates and silverware, people seated around the table wearing their Sunday best, ready to feast, but first: the question is asked, “What are you thankful for this year?” That’s a lovely scenario, without a doubt, and it is encouraging to hear what the people we love are thankful for, and social media, television, the internet as well as the evening news display these scenes repeatedly throughout the season.
But what about what is not said at the fancy table with the people we love? What would happen if we said what we really think in that moment?
Perhaps conflict has stricken your family, or the ones you want to be with the most can’t be together with you, whether by obligations elsewhere, military deployment, or major illness. Is there anything to be thankful for in these imaginary scenarios? What if the breadwinner just lost a job, or just started one and has to work? What if the patriarch of the family is so ill he cannot leave the hospital, nor can he have visitors at this time? What if two family members are so hurt or angry with one another they refuse to join in the holiday festivities?
What are you thankful for when life seems to be full of pain, sorrow, loneliness and grief?
There are many memes and social media postings that remind us that we should be thankful this time of year, just like the pilgrims. We should be grateful for everything little thing we have, no matter how small or insignificant. Okay. Go ahead. I’ll watch you do it. I don’t feel very grateful right now. Have you ever felt that way?
This is way bigger than dry turkey or burnt pie crust. Missing the ones we love is so painful, it can be difficult to break through the noise to see any positives around us. This pain lasts beyond the third Thursday of November. These rifts and losses can be with us for many years. How do we get through one day when the next day brings the same pain, if not more?
Do you find yourself circling or spiraling in your pain, to the point of feeling low, sad, blue, or depressed? Are you feeling isolated, perhaps unable to see the network of supportive friends and family around you? Is there one person at work who seems to be a good listener? Did you connect with one person at church this week? Sometimes we can say yes to this, sometimes not. Sometimes our pain blinds us to the way past the pain, or the wave as it comes is so high we know it will take us down and knock us around. What then?
988
Can you reach out to someone, anyone? Aren’t most businesses closed on holidays? Yes, but the new helpline for those in crisis will be open and ready to help, offering multiple languages and resources for you. This helpline goes beyond suicidal thoughts or plans. This helpline is available for those folks emotionally ravaged by hurricanes this past summer-or for people feeling devastated by fire taking out their home, someone worried about the uncertainty of how to go on without a job, or the deep pain that comes up every anniversary of someone you’ve lost. The volunteers answering the 988 call can be helpful.
What happens when you call 988? Those who call 988 will hear a greeting message while their call is being routed to a local crisis center within the Lifeline network, based on the caller’s area code.
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255) is another option for you if you are in need of crisis support.
You can also text HOME to 741741 to connect with a volunteer Crisis Counselor for free 24/7 support at your fingertips.
I don’t know who needs this right now, but I don’t want to cover over the deep hurts we can feel in the midst of celebration and feasting. Please reach out to any of the numbers above. Kathy