I was talking and walking with a friend the other day. I lamented about some recent weight gain. As we walked and talked, she shared with me this nugget. She explained that each day, rather than dwelling on how we got it wrong, we should instead count our wins for the day.
I liked it. When I was in therapy years ago my therapist told me that, as a Type A personality, my tendency was to have an impossible to-do list accomplished and completed each day. She had me pegged correctly. Rather, she encouraged me, I was to prioritize the tasks to must-do today, and every other task would be tackled only if time allowed, after sleeping, preparing and eating meals, and finishing my work day. The remainder of the tasks would carry to the next day. This was intended to ease my anxiety.
At the time, it did nothing of the sort. I struggled with this anxiety for another year, until my newborn son became a month old. Once I realized I would never sleep if I stayed up all night, organizing each glass in my cupboard or folding each and every onesie in the basket. My pattern of accomplishing all daily tasks daily was unsustainable.
I learned to let stuff go. It became okay to have tall glasses next to small glasses rather than next to medium glasses. As my kids grew up and they began learning household chores, I let go of needing the dishwasher loaded precisely the way I like it loaded. Nowadays, I rearrange it myself, because I have more time and not because it otherwise would cause me anxiety. My husband and grown daughter may or may not notice that I do this, but it makes me feel better because I can maximize space. It no longer mattered which way towels were folded, and such. Cleanliness did prevail, however, and my standards for clean dishes and bathrooms were not compromised. If the living room was dusty, however, I worked to let it go.
Count Your Wins
To count wins for me means looking at the list of tasks and determining which can be done today and the rest left for another day, or, perhaps in my effort to lose the gained weight, I count as a win the dessert I passed up or the second helping that stayed in the bowl rather than going into my mouth.
Further, if I had a tough conversation with someone and it gave me a sinking feeling, if I reached out to give it another go, that would be a win for me, regardless of whether the other person responded.
If I didn’t make it to the gym today but I spent an hour raking leaves or my nemesis—pine cones—I count the exercise in raking as my win.
You get the idea. “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff” is not a phrase with which I identify. I sweat ALL stuff. I am learning not to do that, though.
“Look for the Wins”? I can get behind that! I wrote a blog post today!! Win! Win!