Historically, death was a natural part of living, with each member of the family–including children—all playing their part in caring for the dying. The family sat by the bedside, gathered together, paid respects to the dying person, and when the person died, the family would care for the body by washing it, covering it, transporting it to a burial area on their land, holding a ceremony, and marking the spot in remembrance. Over the years we have come to rely on medicine to extend our lives, to the point of not considering our own mortality. Our own death became a topic not to be discussed or addressed. Worse than that, death became something to fear.
My experiences with dying and death have actually made my living more meaningful. As a friend told me after her husband was killed in a motorcycle crash, “He always thought he had tomorrow”. Until he didn’t. His children, ages 9 and 11, did not know their father well because he had been distant, waiting for some obscure day in the future when he would spend time with his boys. This statement my friend made struck a cord. It also has shone a light on how quickly life can be ended: like a flash.
Through the years I have had the opportunity to tend to many folks at the end of their life. Each unique situation brought a range of emotions. Fear was included in them. Some deaths were not peaceful. A dear friend lay in her hospital bed, surrounded by machines, looked in my eyes and said, “I never wanted this”. My heart broke for her. The family was turned upside down with the weight of heavy decisions needing to be made while at the same time feeling panicked over the thought of losing their beloved matriarch. It didn’t have to be this way. Another light shone onto me: tell your family what interventions you don’t want to undergo should you be hospitalized.
I could recount many beautiful, good death experiences as well as sad, painful death experiences. I’ll save that for now and simply encourage us all to acknowledge we all will die. In fact, we are presently dying. Each present day brings us closer to our last day.
“Live each day as though it were your last” is a popular phrase, and a wise statement. So, give that hug, say “I love you”, and be kind to someone you don’t know, every day. While you’re still here to do it.