Recently I attended a concert fundraiser. In the foyer were many items on silent auction. Among the items was something I had never seen before. This Blue Christmas Tree was not blue. It was a white-flocked tree with deep blue lights. Hanging on the white branches were white ornaments, almost pearly in appearance, like shells, strung by deep blue ribbon. On closer inspection I could see handwriting on the ornaments. These clearly were handwritten that evening, not some mass-produced objects made to look handwritten. The script was different due to the individuals who wrote on them. Some were printed in lower case letters, perhaps by a youngster. As I realized what I was looking at, I was moved. What I was looking at was an intimate display of loss in these handwritten names and messages. Per the flyer behind the tree, people were given an opportunity to write the name of a loved one they had lost onto an ornament to hang on Blue Christmas Tree. This symbolized the loss and sadness or grief of the loss. I felt like I was invading this quiet, special space, so I didn’t stay there too long, nor did I take the time to read all of the ornaments. There were many hanging there. A lot of loss written in blue Sharpie on white pearly ornaments for all who walked by to see the tree. Talk about vulnerability. Talk about love and honor. I took a picture of the flyer because I wanted to learn more. When I got home I Googled Blue Christmas Tree but found no information about this. I wondered if someone at the event had come up with this idea on their own, perhaps out of their own loss and deep need to express their grief. I made sure not to capture any of the names or personal messages written on the ornaments so that I could share it here, because what better place to share than this blog? Sure, I recorded a podcast about it, but as I sit here now, writing this blog post, I am tearing up at the memory of what I experienced that night, standing at Blue Christmas Tree.
If you aren’t feeling the Christmas joy or holiday cheer we seem to be pressured to feel at this time of year, perhaps because you mourn loved ones passed away, or maybe someone just out of your grasp for other reasons, is there a way you can make tribute to the emptiness or sadness you may be feeling? I actually thought of the purpose of the altars my Mexican relatives have in their homes and the parades held in celebration of Dia de los Muertos–on November 1st remembering and celebrating the memory of loved ones lost. I have not done anything like this, to prepare any altar or place of remembrance of the people in my life who have died, but I wonder if it could be a way to fill the hole each person left in my heart after they died.
The Blue Christmas Tree will be forever in my mind and I will consider making something similar for myself in the future. Maybe not a Blue Christmas Tree but something I can keep close, next to my heart.